i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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