his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
