yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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