He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
