I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
