i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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