they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
