I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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