So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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