I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Jerry, you need to find god
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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