Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize