At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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