Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
we should paint friendship bongs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
