I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
