they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
