It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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