My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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