I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
