The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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