didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
