You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
