Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
