just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
