Can i not drive my cunt home
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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