I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
