he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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