i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
