I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
