either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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