I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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