Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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