Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
