I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
