connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
