got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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