I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
