Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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