Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
