bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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