My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
