it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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