It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
