Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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