is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
