My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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