oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.