how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.