Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.