i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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