Your face is a jimmy john
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.