What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
