I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.