apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?