BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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