I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
