I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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