Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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