so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
