I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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