I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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