don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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