Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
