I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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