so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
