He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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