We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
