omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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