My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
