When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
