i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
