HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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