so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
