I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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