There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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